Thank you January…

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I was inspired by Fearne Cotton, to look back at the month and write down everything I was thankful for the month that has passed.

January was a quick month, a busy month. I worked a lot but I’m now in a job I enjoy, so this isn’t a bad thing, since this time last year I didn’t think I would be where I am today.

I had a weekend away in Aviemore, which I had forgotten how much I loved this place, particularly when it’s winter and need to go more often, especially this year.

It snowed, quit a bit and lasted an entire week. There’s nothing more relaxing than watching the snow fall and chilling in a cosy house.

This month also brought some of my favourite tv shows, like call the midwife and silent witness. Jojo moyes book finally came out, ‘still me‘ so I can finally find out how Louisa Clark is getting on New York.

January meant spending time with friends and family, seeing movies like the new Disney film ‘Coco‘ that made me very emotional had far too many gins, particularly in one night.

I can’t wait for February, spending more time doing things I love, with the people I care about and planning more adventures.

This was supposed to be posted earlier, I’ll try better for next month.

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2017i

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2017 was a quick year, before I knew it the year was almost gone, but so much had happened in that year, with and without me knowing it.

January was a difficult month, I had a lot going on from being in therapy, leaving my job, struggling with work experience and my skin problems were at there worst.  There was some days I didn’t want to leave the house and I had suffered a lot more panic attacks, than I had ever had before, I just felt down and couldn’t see it getting any better for me.

Finally when February came around and I had completed my work experience for college I had one less worry, and that was a huge weight of my shoulders.  I just needed to get through therapy and get a job, oh and finish college and decide what to do with the rest of my life.  Well that`s what it felt like.   It wasn’t until I started to focus more on my mental health and trying harder with CBT, that I realised how much my anxiety weighed me down. I had also decided to try to help my skin by cutting out dairy.

March was when I finally paid attention to the changes I had been making and even though it was difficult, and still wasn’t getting easier, would eventually help in the longer run (but that’s something I have only come to realise now). I was still down but more hopeful than I felt in January.

April meant there was only a few months left of college, I had due dates looming for reports and presentations.  Still no job but every day I was still trying to help my anxiety. I did notice a huge improvement in my skin after cutting dairy out my diet, which helped improve my mood.

May was the final full month of college after 3 years, which at one point I would never thought I could have ever done.  I had passed everything by the end of the month, finishing with an A and B.  There was also still no job and with that looming over me and having decided previously on in the year not to go to uni, I started to feel lost again, and any of the progress I had made at therapy and even on my own, felt like it was a massive step back.

June was probably the second most difficult month for me in this year after January, I couldn’t enjoy the fact I had finished and passed college, I didn’t have any money and most of the month looked like I wasn’t going to have a job. I felt lost and didn’t know what to do with myself, but some how managed to get out of bed every day and carry on.  eventualy by the end of the month I had heard back from a job I had applied to in January, with good news, went for an interview with Jacques Vert and got a call not long after to start near the end of the month.

So the end of June and beginning of July started to become a better time for me, not only had I got a job but was working a lot of hours which suited me fine and I had a gig coming up with close friends, finally felt like I was living my life rather than watching from the side lines.  The biggest accomplishment of that month to me was how I felt more control over my life as well, even after feeling liked I failed most of the year, I started that job and went to TRNSMT without having a panic attack, I still had a light flicker of anxiety but nothing like before or even at the start of the year.

August went by quickly and was spent most of the month working between Perth and Dundee, and not doing a lot more than that as my pay had been docked the previous month, thanks to someone else`s mistake and I felt stupid for not noticing before.  All I did for this month was count down the days to September and work.  Looking back know I wish I could change that month so that I could spend more time with family, Because in September my nana passed away.

She had a massive role in my life, and was an incredible women, who we never got to spend enough time with in the end, but she will never be forgotten.

So September then also slipped passed, with loss and big changes.  I had decided to look for another job, as never felt appreciated where I was, with a realisation that I would eventually never go far either, but finding my next job was easy, like I was meant for it.  I went in applied, got a interview the next day and then the job instantly.

October was the end of one chapter and the start of another, and in-between that I had my first holiday in years.  Flew down to Essex the day after I finished Jacque Vert, went to Colchester, Chelmsford, London, Heybridge Basin and Southend when my dad came down to pick us up.  It was a perfect week of doing lots and nothing at all, I didn’t have money worries, I had a job, was feeling the calmest I had in years and I felt like everything was fitting in to place.

Starting my new job was kind of difficult because I wanted to do so well, but I had learnt so much from therapy, I didnt feel out of control.  I was happy.

November was a busy month, I was getting on great at work, I had two gigs coming up which for the first time I enjoyed without a panic attack, I was actually able to enjoy myself at Royal Blood and PVRIS.  I even had a birthday night out for a friend and didn’t have to get drunk to make it easier.

December was when I realised how far I had come in the year, I had a works night out, which was great, we danced and laughed.  Christmas was getting closer and I had already done all my shopping.  enjoyed a day at the Christmas market, and a really did enjoy myself rather than spend the night before and the day panicking over nothing. On Christmas day I didn’t cry or feel separated from the festivities.  my brother and I went to the cinema which was the first time I think that year I did and saw star wars, then my friends and I rang the new year in with gin and lots of laughing, the greatest way to start the year.

My final month of the year was the complete opposite from the start, I could finally enjoy moments in my life and feel present, I know I’m stronger and at the same time lighter.

2018 can only, I hope get better for me physically and mentally, as I have decided to do a 30 day yoga challenge and after that try and do yoga every day.

I aim to read more, be more creative and experience as much as possible, while still look after myself.

So, here`s to 2018 and all that’s to come, and the past and all it has taught me.

Autumn 🍂

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I recently went on Autumnal walk, somewhere in Scotland, I think it’s place called The hermitage, never heard of until that day and still not 100% sure where it was apart from it’s in Perthshire.

But was amazing afternoon, and felt kind of magical with the beautiful scenery. There is nothing else though I can say about this walk because I would never be able to give it justice.

Also I’m not blogger or writer of any form and just wanted show of the photos I took from our walk.

Oh and one tip if you fancy going make sure you have change for the parking.

Adventures

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I had some time to spare before starting work, it was a gorgeous day and decided to go on an adventure in town.
I thought I had seen everything worth seeing in Stirling but was wrong.

I went by Stirling castle but steered of slightly and found a bit more.
I went in to the medieval church of Stirling. Church of the Holy rude, one of the oldest and was the place where James VI king of Scots was crowned.

Who new walking around a grave could be so beautiful, charming and slightly haunting.


I never realised how much to see and do within this town. It's now going to become a more regular wee route to take a walk when I have an extra hour to spare, rather than looking round the shops.

I've decided to try and make the effort to go and explore what's on my door step, and a lot of it's free which is another perk.

These photos below are from a different more typical Scottish weather kind of day, but still as interesting adventure.

20 years of magic 

Book club

It has now Been 20 years since Harry Potter, the boy who lived and captivated the world but I didn't discover this phenomenon until a few years later on Christmas Day, and it changed my world for  the best. 

Since that faithful day I had to have every book on the night released, even begging my parents to take me along at mignight  just so I could guarantee a copy in case they sold out and also cause I couldn't wait any longer to have a copy in my hands. 

Then making sure I saw every movie when they came and buying anything to do with Harry Potter. 

Even though the books and movies have finished, there has been an entire world created and expanding every year into something extraordinary. 

With all these moments, I can't wait to see what's to come next and I'm still filled with the same joy as I was all those years ago opening that Christmas present, and I know  all the stories off by heart, there is always magic in every word and even more to discover everyday. 

My only trouble with the series is I can't actually live in it, but at any opportunity I can to experience the wizarding world I grab with both hands. 

A meal in winter 

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A meal in winter is by Hubert Mingarelli, its only 138 pages, so a  short book.  This is another book I bought a while back and forgotten I had it.  I sometimes just wander around Waterstones when I have spare time and buy books that look interesting and then accidently forget about them until a few months later, and then its a nice surprise for myself.

This book has great reviews, so was interested to see what it was like and for a short book it has great story about three German soldiers during ww2,  who are sent out to find a Jew to bring back.

Its when they stop on their journey back, for something to eat that they become aware of their “own personal consequences become clear”, while confronted by a pole who wants to join them and the Jew they have captured.

This is one of those books I will go back to again, its interesting, very moving and doesn’t take long to be drawn in to the life’s of these soldiers, who have a job to do but know deep down that what they are doing is wrong.

Funny Girl 

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This is a book I have had for a few years and one of those ones I have meant to get around to reading but then there is another new book I buy and this one get shoved to the back.  Well I have finally brought it out and it was very good.

It’s about a northern lass moving to London to follow her dreams to become the next Lucille Ball.  Its how she become the Funny Girl on TV, and takes you behind the scenes of her finally getting on the telly, becoming a house hold name and everyone involved. It’s great look into the British sitcoms of the 60s.

It has been so well thought out that when I was reading it thought it was based of a trueish story but is all from the imagination of Nick.

This is the first book I have read by nick Hornby but have seen movies and TV shows he`s written like “An Education”, “About a Boy”, “Brooklyn” and “Love, Nina” to name a few.