The Next step…


At the moment I am trying not to panic over what to do next with my life and if it is all going to go down hill from here. wait don’t think like that,  It is going to be great, I will have everything finished and passed by the 2nd.   I am also going to be getting a phone call soon telling me I have a job to go to and I will not be poor or useless.

But then I panic that I am useless, idiot who can not do anything and forever destined to only work in the family bakery that I HATE and also may I add rubbish at, though saying that I am pretty good at eating everything, as cakes are my only friends.

I have applied to everything I can, I have waited around for the phone calls or emails that have eventually driven me to wanting to pull my hair or burst in to tears.  I have had some success, most recently an interview that went really well and had high hopes for but that was 2 weeks ago now and I am not to sure it went as well as I thought.  It also leaves me wondering what did that person that I don’t, better grades, a better face, who knows,

I just really want a job secure before I finish college, but that doesn’t look like it will be happening any time soon, so just praying that I have something for before July would be great or else I will really loose it.

And by losing it I mean shutting myself of from the world and becoming a hermit that spends no money since I will have nothing to spend.

That may seem extreme to some and I know that there are plenty of others who have it worse but how can I contribute to society if I don’t have anything to give.

This all could becoming from my anxious mind which doesn’t like to help at keeping me rational or logical and this will all be a worry for nothing but till then I am going to be the one in the corner crying and cradling her phone till she hears some good news.



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